Over time, I have found that many people have difficulty sleeping at night due to anxiety. Happy-go-lucky runs in my genes, and so I hardly ever have this problem. But, it does happen once in a while. As I toss and turn in bed, I remember a friend telling me that you have to love misery to be an entrepreneur. Another friend speaks to me in my sleep, "Well, DARLING HONEY... You know what you have to do."
What I have to do is to snap out of it, and get my rearend in gear again. So, I try. But I am rather lethargic due to lack of sleep. By, 4 in the afternoon, I am on Skype again with my partners in Japan. Our project is progressing and there are lots to be done. They are working full speed. I am embarassed to be wallowing in my puddle of self-pity (I blame part of it on the foggy weather).
At 7, my friends gather here for dinner in honor of an out-of-town classmate. I am not the only one looking tired. We are all trying to figure out the new rules of the game. Instead of complaining "who changed the rules?", I decide to snap out of it. It's great to have friends and family that travel through the journey of growing up alongside you.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Day 134: Peace
Every time I launch my internet, BBC News comes up, and it's Sudan, Nigeria, Yemen & Oman (the "Yeah man", "Oh man" combo), or some other country that is about to blow up. Does it feel like we plug one hole in the world peace balloon, and another one opens up? Is it a futile effort? Are we going to die anyway, so why live?
We shall live! Just because we are going to sleep in bed, doesn't mean we're not going to make our beds in the morning. Just because I am growing older and less beautiful, doesn't mean I'm going to stop brushing my hair and teeth in the morning.
I skipped meditation this morning, so I meditate while swimming. After my Costco run and cooking for dinner while eating my grapefruit, I talk to Charlie about the meaning of life and love. He is in full agreement, as he nods and lifts his paw in a "How!" kind of way.
Julien returns from his first rugby practice with all his bones intact. We feast on curry, and then go back to do what we all can (violin, homework, work, blog and nap) to live our lives to our fullest.
We shall live! Just because we are going to sleep in bed, doesn't mean we're not going to make our beds in the morning. Just because I am growing older and less beautiful, doesn't mean I'm going to stop brushing my hair and teeth in the morning.
I skipped meditation this morning, so I meditate while swimming. After my Costco run and cooking for dinner while eating my grapefruit, I talk to Charlie about the meaning of life and love. He is in full agreement, as he nods and lifts his paw in a "How!" kind of way.
Julien returns from his first rugby practice with all his bones intact. We feast on curry, and then go back to do what we all can (violin, homework, work, blog and nap) to live our lives to our fullest.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Day 133: Division
The kids are back in school again. Yes!! Or so I thought. Around lunchtime, it's kind of lonely. Around 2, I go grocery shopping, swing by the pool and then come home to jump on a conference call with my partners in Japan. Meanwhile, Aya comes in with a form for me to sign, Charlie is groaning on the carpet and I feel the need to explain that it is not me. Maxime comes with his homework on division with decimal points. 2 hours later, when I am done with my call, Maxime is in full rage mode. As we prepare dinner together, he has regained confidence and is shaking his hips while moving the decimal points on both the divisor and the dividend to the right with an encouraging "hmm hmm hmm" sound. His father comes home when all is well, and peers at the homework saying "Ahh, division." Apparently, it wasn't his favorite topic either, and his math teacher kept him after school for a couple of hours days on end, trying to reach comprehension. I, on the other hand, never had any problems with division. Look where it has gotten us now. My husband is a rocket scientist with a PhD in mechanical engineering, while I am a blogger. Life is funny.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Day 132: Yemen
At dinner tonight, I ask where Yemen is anyway. Aya says, it's right next to Oman. Which then turns to the topic of "Jammin', Jammin' in the name of the Lord." Whereas, Julien looks surprised and says "You know Bob Marley!?"
Thanks to my friend Noreen, not only do I know Bob Marley, I actually know how to sing a few songs of his. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6gp5dn5cw0
When I was off-the-boat-immigrant, Noreen berated me for not knowing what jammin' was all about, and proceeded to teach me the song, at which point some other colleagues joined in. Many long, tedious days and nights on the desk, I would find myself singing a tune from Bob Marley, Mary Poppins, or something equally outlandish and find some similarly "beyond sanity" colleagues sing along.
I learn that one of these colleagues, after regaining youth, has managed to break a few bones skiiing in Vermont on a frozen lake. All I can say is "Ouch!!" and that pride comes before the fall. Just because you used to ski to school in St. Catherine, Ontario, doesn't mean you can ski on a frozen lake, Pat. But, it's good to have that fighting spirit going. I think I have a lot of fighting spirit in me, but my kids laugh and remind me about the hypothetical situation of meeting a mountain lion on the hill. In a moment of weakness, I allegedly told them that I would simply sit down and tell the mountain lion to "just eat me". I am sure that my bones would be easy to crack, and would not be too sharp, either. My physical therapist can attest to this, as she managed to crack a few bones tonight.
Thanks to my friend Noreen, not only do I know Bob Marley, I actually know how to sing a few songs of his. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6gp5dn5cw0
When I was off-the-boat-immigrant, Noreen berated me for not knowing what jammin' was all about, and proceeded to teach me the song, at which point some other colleagues joined in. Many long, tedious days and nights on the desk, I would find myself singing a tune from Bob Marley, Mary Poppins, or something equally outlandish and find some similarly "beyond sanity" colleagues sing along.
I learn that one of these colleagues, after regaining youth, has managed to break a few bones skiiing in Vermont on a frozen lake. All I can say is "Ouch!!" and that pride comes before the fall. Just because you used to ski to school in St. Catherine, Ontario, doesn't mean you can ski on a frozen lake, Pat. But, it's good to have that fighting spirit going. I think I have a lot of fighting spirit in me, but my kids laugh and remind me about the hypothetical situation of meeting a mountain lion on the hill. In a moment of weakness, I allegedly told them that I would simply sit down and tell the mountain lion to "just eat me". I am sure that my bones would be easy to crack, and would not be too sharp, either. My physical therapist can attest to this, as she managed to crack a few bones tonight.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Day 131: Maman a dit....
I love it when the kids tell my husband, "Maman a dit que..." Mommy has said...therefore it is final, so it sounds. If only it were. This afternoon, my husband, Maxime, Charlie and I go for a walk up the hill. We meet a few other dog walkers, one who says to me that Maxime looks just like my husband! In fact, he does. The eternal baby faces... When Maxime was in pre-school, all the moms would hail him in the streets. When I asked him why they all liked him, he said, "Mommy, why wouldn't they like me? I'm cute, I'm smart, and I'm well dressed." I suppose this is why I celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary today. Not that the anniversary really means that much. We were living together and had Julien before we were married. Given that my requirement for a husband was that he was poor and self-made, he has kept his side of the bargain. We had a great wedding at the Buffalo city hall in snow boots. The elevator man took us to the 13th floor and told us "Dog license to the left, marriage license to the right." The clerk read us our vows from a magenta laminated piece of paper, and we had to call the typist away from her desk as witness. For lunch, we stopped by the Husky Inn on the Canadian side of the border to wolf down some Husky cheese burger, before picking Julien up from daycare.
Now, I wonder if I have kept my side of the bargain... He wanted four kids. He has five. Other than that, I choose not to think too much. As the kids say, "Maman a dit..." , so it must be final.
Now, I wonder if I have kept my side of the bargain... He wanted four kids. He has five. Other than that, I choose not to think too much. As the kids say, "Maman a dit..." , so it must be final.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Day 130: Romper Room
When I was a kindergartner, there was a TV show called Romper Room. The teacher would hold up a magic mirror and call out random names of kids who were watching the show. Now, I know that Amy and Patty, Michael and Christopher, Marie, Simon, Arvin, Aya, Maxime, Noreen, Pat, Joan, Paula, Lucy, Jacques, Pascale, Eva and many more are out there, anxious to get a head start on the new year.
In Japan, the first dream of the year is supposed to have special meaning. Hatsuyume is typically the dream you had last night - the dream between January 1st and 2nd. I recall mine to the kids at breakfast. There are two types of friends in my dream- one type that looks like a friend but really isn't, and another that may not even seem friendly, but actually really cares about you. As I describe the first type, Camille says, "I know, that's the type that uses you." In my hatsuyume, this type was certainly using me. In fact, I was washing a lot of dirty dishes for the first type. Obtuse though I am, I remember thinking in my dream that it didn't seem right.
In any event, I have missed yoga, so I decide to go to the pool. Maxime says he'll join me, as he enjoyed it yesterday. "It's like a bath for the emotion", says he, as I explain that this is what meditation is supposed to be. So, after breakfast, Maxime, Charlie and I meditate for 13 (shorter) minutes (than yesterday) and go to the pool, where we share the pool, and then the hot tub, with an elderly couple who are flirting with each other. Awkward as it seems to us, it's nice to see that hope springs eternal.
Lunch is meat loaf with garlic, onion, egg plants, carrots and mushroom. We then drive up Mount Tamalpais to the East Peak (2,571 ft high) and hike up to a fire station outlook to view San Francisco, Marin and the East Bay. Charlie is happy to be home, and promptly sprawls on the floor. My inclination is to do this too, but instead, I make a mushroom soup to be followed by 5 cheeses (thanks to Costco that now even carries mimolette) for dinner.
At the back of my mind, I am thinking of what needs to be done to make my business work. Just like Amy and Patty, Michael and Christopher, Marie, Simon, Arvin, Aya, Maxime, Noreen, Pat, Joan, Paula, Lucy, Jacques, Pascale, Eva and many more out there.
In Japan, the first dream of the year is supposed to have special meaning. Hatsuyume is typically the dream you had last night - the dream between January 1st and 2nd. I recall mine to the kids at breakfast. There are two types of friends in my dream- one type that looks like a friend but really isn't, and another that may not even seem friendly, but actually really cares about you. As I describe the first type, Camille says, "I know, that's the type that uses you." In my hatsuyume, this type was certainly using me. In fact, I was washing a lot of dirty dishes for the first type. Obtuse though I am, I remember thinking in my dream that it didn't seem right.
In any event, I have missed yoga, so I decide to go to the pool. Maxime says he'll join me, as he enjoyed it yesterday. "It's like a bath for the emotion", says he, as I explain that this is what meditation is supposed to be. So, after breakfast, Maxime, Charlie and I meditate for 13 (shorter) minutes (than yesterday) and go to the pool, where we share the pool, and then the hot tub, with an elderly couple who are flirting with each other. Awkward as it seems to us, it's nice to see that hope springs eternal.
Lunch is meat loaf with garlic, onion, egg plants, carrots and mushroom. We then drive up Mount Tamalpais to the East Peak (2,571 ft high) and hike up to a fire station outlook to view San Francisco, Marin and the East Bay. Charlie is happy to be home, and promptly sprawls on the floor. My inclination is to do this too, but instead, I make a mushroom soup to be followed by 5 cheeses (thanks to Costco that now even carries mimolette) for dinner.
At the back of my mind, I am thinking of what needs to be done to make my business work. Just like Amy and Patty, Michael and Christopher, Marie, Simon, Arvin, Aya, Maxime, Noreen, Pat, Joan, Paula, Lucy, Jacques, Pascale, Eva and many more out there.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Day 129: 01/01/10
Happy New Year! I have been waiting for 2010 to arrive. As we enter the new year, Maxime and I are frantically trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle. It is a race against time, the goal being to complete before the end of 2009. We finish it 10 minutes into 2010. As the kids toast with apple cider, Maxime tells me it's actually better to have missed the deadline, as we now already have one major accomplishment early on in the year. I high five to that! This is the kind of optimistic thinking that I aspire to in 2010.
At 9 in the morning, I salute the first day of the year again. After 13 very long minutes of meditation, we call family in France and Japan, swim a few laps at the pool and sit down for lunch. New Year's Day in Japan is all about visiting relatives. Here, as we have no relatives, it's a bit of a non-event. We do what we pretty much do any other day, until it's time to head to our neighbors' for the first glass of champagne. We exchange fun information about our adventures from 2009 and toast to our bright future this year. It's a nice mellow start.
At 9 in the morning, I salute the first day of the year again. After 13 very long minutes of meditation, we call family in France and Japan, swim a few laps at the pool and sit down for lunch. New Year's Day in Japan is all about visiting relatives. Here, as we have no relatives, it's a bit of a non-event. We do what we pretty much do any other day, until it's time to head to our neighbors' for the first glass of champagne. We exchange fun information about our adventures from 2009 and toast to our bright future this year. It's a nice mellow start.
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